I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
