I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
