Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
