Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
