um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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