gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
