I just threw up on my dentist
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
