why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
