Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
