allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
