i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
