He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
