Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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