My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
