I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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