I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
