I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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