Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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