i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
