It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
