don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
