Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
