haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
