Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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