what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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