I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They took my balls.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
