i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
