Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Randomize
