Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
