Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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