I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
