Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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