Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
