apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
