see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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