Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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