Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
