What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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