she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
