I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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