new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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