He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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