Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
