i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
