Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
