the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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