Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They took my balls.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
