Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
