It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
