Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
