i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
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wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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