pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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