I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
