You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
