He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.