I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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