if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
