i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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