I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night