What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
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She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude