I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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