I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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