the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
