i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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