1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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