he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
