I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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