On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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