Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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