In the future we'll all be gay
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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