What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
