Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
