DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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