I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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