so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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