made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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