I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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