hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
