Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
