And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
